Leonard: While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn’t want to go out with me because I was too smart for you! Well, news flash, lady, David Underhill is ten times smarter than me! You’d have to drive a railroad spike into his brain for me to beat him at checkers! Next to him, I’m like on of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes! So, my question is, what’s up with that?
Penny: Why are you yelling at me?
Leonard: Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Nevermind, we’re cool.
Penny: Dave is not smarter than you! He’s an idiot!
Leonard: Really? Why would you say that?
Penny: Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tried to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: THAT’S WHAT YOU TOOK FROM THAT? The guy is married!
Leonard: Oh, yeah, I’m so.. oh, that’s terrible.
Penny: And you, if you are so okay with the way things are between us, why are you so jealous?
Leonard: Well, uh, the important thing is he’s married and that’s terrible!
Penny: Nice save, genius. Eggnog?
Penny: It’s just rum. It stopped being eggnog like half an hour ago.
Penny: Smoother than you.
Leonard: Come on, it’s Christmas, just give me this one.
Penny: Okay, Merry Christmas.
Leonard: By the way, my leg is killing me. Thanks for asking.