Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I’m sorry to inform you that you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullibe and the lonely. Additionally, I’m being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I’m unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hoisery. In any case, I’m here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.
Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
Amy: I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.
Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.
Leonard: We’re up on the roof bouncing laser beams off the moon.
Penny: I’m sorry, what?
Leonard: It’s pretty cool. We’ve got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything. I thought you might want to see it.
Man in Penny’s apartment: That make no sense.
Man: How can you bounce stuff off the moon? There’s no gravity.
Penny: Uhh, Leonard, this is Zack. Zack, Leonard.
Leonard: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were busy. Maybe another time.
Penny: Yeah, maybe.
Zack: Hey, I want to see this laser thing.
Penny: Oh, but what about the party?
Zack: It’s a suprise party, doesn’t matter when we get there.
Penny: Oh, right.
Leonard: Okay, well, yeah, come on up. So, how’s you two guys meet?
Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Your company?
Zack: Well, my dad’s, but me and my sister are VPs.
Leonard: So, menus.
Zack: I know it sounds easy but there’s a lot of science that goes in designing them.
Howard: Happy now? I’m moving the dirty sock.
Sheldon: Thank you. Raj, keep an eye out for the other one.
Penny: Hey, guys, this is my friend Zack.
Zack: Whoa! Is that the laser? It’s bitchin’
Sheldon: Yes. In 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin’.
Zack: Well, mission accomplished.
Leonard: Let me explain what we’re doing here. Umm, in 1969, the astronauts on Apollo 11 positioned reflectors on the surface of the moon, and we;re going to shoot a laser off one of them and let the light bounce back into this photomultiplier.
Penny: Oh! That’s very cool.
Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won’t blow up?
Leonard: The laser?
Zack: The moon.
Sheldon: See, now this is a man for Penny.
Leonard: Uhh, that’s a great question, Zack.
Sheldon: No, it’s not.
Penny: Sheldon! Play nice.
Sheldon: Well it’s not a great question. How could somebody possibly think we’re going to blow up the moon? That’s a great question.
Leonard: Don’t worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.
Leonard: Now, we’ll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won’t be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.
Leonard: Right. Uhh, yeah, funny. Uhh, that device there will measure the photons that return and let us see it on this computer. Raj, get them some glasses.
Zack: Cool, it’s gonna be in 3D?
Howard: Preparing to fire laser at the moon.
Sheldon: Make it so.
Howard: There it is. There’s the spike!
Leonard: 2.5 seconds for the light to return. That’s the moon. We hit the moon!
Zack: That’s your big experiment? All that for a line on the screen?
Leonard: Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents. The fact that we can do this is the only way of definitely proving that there are man-made objects on the moon, put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.
Zack: What species is that?
Sheldon: I was wrong. Penny can do better.
Penny: Okay, guys, thank you, it’s been fun.
Zack: Yeah, thanks. Should we invite them to the party?
They guys, just wanted to say, I'm sorry my last two Big Bang Theory posts are so rediculously large. I couldn't decide on which scenes to pick and choose from cause I think that's one of the more hilarious episodes, so I ended up doing most it. <3
Leonard: Okay, how about this? Let me tell you about the first time I brought a girl over.
Past Sheldon: *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard?
Past Leonard: Shh. Just pretend we’re not here.
Past Sheldon: *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard?
Past Leonard: I’m sure he’ll go away.
Past Sheldon: I’m just going to keep knocking till you answer. *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard. *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard. *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard.
Past Leonard: WHAT DO YOU WANT? I DIDN’T SAY COME IN!
Past Sheldon: You asked what I wanted. I wanted to come in. I’m here because you violated our roommate agreement. Specifically, section eight, visitors, subsection C, females, paragraph four, coitus. “Roommates shall give each other 12 hours notice of impending coitus.”
Past Leonard: I didn’t even know her 12 hours ago.
Joyce Kim: That’s it! I’m out of here!
Past Leonard: But, Joyce, come on.
Past Sheldon: 12 hours?
Penny: Oh, my god.
Leonard: Do I get some sympathy now?
Penny: A little bit. Okay. Let me get this straight. You move in with this guy, he makes you sign a ridiculous roommates agreement, then he walks into your bedroom while you’re doing this Joyce Kim, and you still stay?
Leonard: Actually, I couldn’t get too mad at him about Joyce Kim.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Well, I was doing some government research at the time, you know, military, rocket fuel. It’s kind of secret.
Penny: What does that have to do with Joyce Kim?
Leonard: As it turns out, she was a North Korean spy. Luckily, Sheldon drove her out before I revealed anything important. Which I’m not saying I would have.
Penny: So, what, that’s it? You’ve stayed with Sheldon all this time because he kept you from going to federal prison?
Leonard: That was part of it. The other part is what happened with the elevator.
Penny: Oh, yeah, I’m wondering about that. You said it was working when you moved in.
Leonard: It was, but one night, Sheldon came home from work…
Past Sheldon: What is going on here?
Past Leonard: Hey, Sheldon. This Howard and Raj. They work at the university, too.
Past Howard: Hey.
Past Raj: Hey.
Past Sheldon: I’ll get to you later. What are you sitting on?
Past Howard: I can’t speak for these guys, but I’m sitting on my tushie. …It’s a joke.
Past Leonard: Yeah, not a good idea.
Past Raj: Tushie is buttocks, right?
Past Howard: Right.
Past Raj: Hilarious.
Past Sheldon: Explain the couch.
Past Leonard: Oh, well, there were some people on the first floor moving out, and they sold it to me for a hundred dollars. Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
Past Sheldon: But what’s wrong with the furniture we have?
Past Leonard: They’re lawn chairs. And there was no place for company.
Past Sheldon: Did it occur to you that was by design?
Past Leonard: According to the roommate agreement, I’m entitles to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas.
Past Sheldon: But you didn’t notify me by e-mail, so this is still a breach.
Past Leonard: I did notify you.
Past Sheldon: Oh, you did, did you?
Past Sheldon: Oh, drat! Hoisted by my own spam folder.
Past Leonard: What am I doing in your spam folder?
Past Sheldon: I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano, entitled “This is funny.”
Past Raj: Oh, yeah, I saw that. That was hilarious.
*PRESENT Penny: Okay, what does all this have to do with the elevator?
Leonard: I’m getting to it.
Past Sheldon: I assure you, you’ll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod when Microsoft comes out with theirs.
Past Raj: Okay, do you have an opinion about everything?
Past Sheldon: Yes.
Past Howard: And you just assume you’re always right?
Past Sheldon: It’s not an assumption.
Past Sheldon: Change seats with me.
Past Raj: Why?
Past Sheldon: I don’t like this spot. I have to keep turning my head.
Past Raj: Fine.
Past Leonard: Ooh, it’s time for Babylon 5!
Past Sheldon: We don’t watch Babylon 5 in this apartment,
Past Leonard: Why not?
Past Sheldon: Because no one likes Babylon 5.
Past Leonard: I like it.
Past Raj: I like it.
Past Howard: So do I,
Past Leonard: There you go - three against one.
Past Sheldon: They don’t get a vote. It’s one against one. And according to the roommate agreement, all ties will be settled by me.
Past Leonard: But I said no to that.
Past Sheldon: And I said yes. And I settle all ties. Change seats with me.
Past Howard: Why?
Past Sheldon: There’s a draft on my neck over here.
Past Howard: So, I get the draft?
Past Sheldon: You’re protected by your turtleneck.
Past Howard: Fine. And it’s a dickey.
Past Sheldon: Hmm, I’m still not comfortable. Of course. There’s too many people here.
Past Leonard: We can fix that. Let’s leave.
Past Howard: Yeah, we can go over to my place.
Past Sheldon: Wait. Let me get my jacket.
Past Howard: You’re not going with us.
Past Sheldon: Why not?
Past Raj: You’re the guy we’re trying to get away from.
Past Sheldon: Oh. Well, in that case, I don’t need my jacket. And for the record, the correct syntax is I’m the guy from whom you’re trying to get away.
Past Sheldon: Oh, yes, this is definitely going to be my spot.
Penny: Okay, how do you know he said that? You left the room.
Leonard: Hey, do you want me to finish working on your man feet or not?
Penny: Fine. Go ahead.
Past Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, are you having a playdate?
Past Howard: I don’t have playdates! I have colleagues!
Past Mrs. Wolowitz: Do their parents know they’re here?
Past Howard: No, but if you keep screaming, maybe they’ll hear you!
Past Leonard: That your dad?
Past Howard: She grows any more hair on her face, yes.
Past Leonard: Oh, man. Is that a two-stage rocket?
Past Howard: Three. I designed the engine myself.
Past Raj: Cool. Can it break Mach 1?
Past Howard: Oh, probably, if I could get my hand on that new fuel the government’s been working on.
Past Leonard: Oh, this just might be your lucky day.
Past Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, what happened to the Oreos I left on the counter?!
Past Howard: I haven’t seen your Oreos! Just take you bath without them!
Penny: So, why was it his lucky day?
Leonard: Well, it turns out I had a little rocket full in the apartment.
Penny: What were you doing with rocket full in your apartment?
Leonard: Mmm, Joyce Kim was kind of curious about what I did for a living, and I was going to kind of show it to her. It’s not important. The point is, the guys and I went back the apartment.
Penny: Are we ever going to get to the elevator?
Leonard: Yeah, we’re really close. Uhh, uhh, we’re at the apartment.
Past Leonard: Let trick is to mix it into Tovex in order to create a combustible gel that will generate at 8000 kilonewtons of thrust.
Past Howard: Nice.
Past Raj: Cool.
Past Sheldon: Won’t work.
Past Leonard: Excuse me, but I’ve been working on this a long time. Trust me, it’ll work.
Past Sheldon: You don’t see your mistake, do you?
Past Leonard: There’s no mistake.
Past Sheldon: This is for a full-scale rocket, not a model.
Past Leonard: Well, I’ve adjusted the formula.
Past Sheldon: Not correctly.
Past Leonard: Okay, I’ve had it with you. You might an expert on theoretical physics and science-fiction programs and where to sit on a freaking couch, but this is applied physics. And when it come to applied physic… Uh-oh!
Past Howard: What’s happening?
Past Leonard: A bad thing. A very bad thing. Get the door! Get the door! GET THE DOOR! GET THE DOOR! GET THE DOOR!
Past Howard: You’re waiting for the elevator?
Past Leonard: Oh. Right.
Past Raj: Wait. It’s here.
Past Sheldon: Give me that! Get out!
Past Leonard: What’d you do that for? I had plenty of time.
Past Sheldon: You’re welcome.
Leonard: Not only did Sheldon save my life, he didn’t rat me out to the landlord. Or the police. Or Homeland Security.
Penny: Okay, so, basically, you’re the reason I have to walk up and down three flights of stairs everyday?
Leonard: So I did something stupid. I’m sure you did stupid things when you were younger. What were you doing seven years ago?
Penny: Excuse me, I was in high school. Studying, keeping my nose clean, doing volunteer work for the community…
Penny: Uhh, well, you can try, but the people across the hall are being very noisy.
Leonard: You heard that, huh?
Penny: Apparently, the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat, then the other fella went bat-crap crazy.
Leonard: So you agree, he’s nuts.
Penny: Well, not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him.
Leonard: Believe it or not, he was worse when I met him.
Penny: Oh, I do not believe that.
Leonard: You are so naive. Just like I was seven years ago.
I’d just started at the university.
Past Leonard: Excuse me, I’m looking for Sheldon Cooper’s apartment.
Man: Oh, I bet you’re here to check out the room for rent.
Past Leonard: Yeah.
Man: Run away, dude.
Past Leonard: What?
Man: Run fast, run far.
Leonard: That should have been my first clue.
Penny: So Sheldon’s last roommate tried to warn you off?
Leonard: For all I knew, he was the crazy one. He had this really deranged look.
Penny: Well, yeah, he’d been living with Sheldon.
Leonard: Sure, it makes sense now.
Anyway, I went upstairs and knocked on the door.
Past Leonard: Dr. Cooper.
Transvestite: No, you want the crazy guy across the hall.
In retrospect, that was clue number two.
Past Sheldon: Yes?
Past Leonard: I’m Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment. You said…
Past Sheldon: I know what I said. I know what you said. I know what my mother said on March 5, 1992. What is the sixth noble gas?
Past Leonard: What?
Past Sheldon: You said you’re a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas.
Past Leonard: Uhh, radon?
Past Sheldon: Are you asking me or telling me?
Past Leonard: Telling you?
Past Leonard: Telling you.
Past Sheldon: Alright, next question. Kirk or Picard?
Past Leonard: Oh, uhh, well, that’s tricky. Umm, well, uhh, Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
Past Sheldon: Correct. You’ve passed the first barrier to roommate-hood. You may enter.
Past Leonard: Oh, this is pretty nice. Uhh, the bedrooms are back there?
Past Sheldon: That depends.
Past Leonard: I don’t understand, their, their existence is conditional?
Past Sheldon: No, but your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and third barriers.
Past Leonard: There’s three?
Past Sheldon: Each more daunting then the last. Have a seat.
Past Leonard: Okay.
Past Sheldon: No! That’s where I sit!
Past Leonard: What’s the difference?
Past Sheldon: This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I’ve placed it in a state of eternal dibs.
Past Leonard: Can you do that?
Past Sheldon: Cathedra mea, regulae meae. That’s Latin for my chair, my rules. Now, you said on the phone that your area of study is physics.
Past Leonard: Uhh, yeah, experimental physics.
Past Sheldon: Hmm…
Past Leonard: What is that?
Past Sheldon: Doesn’t concern you. You’ll be going to the university everyday?
Past Leonard: Yes.
Past Sheldon: And you have a vehicle?
Past Leonard: A car, yeah.
Past Sheldon: And you’ll be willing to drive me?
Past Leonard: Well, can’t you drive?
Past Sheldon: I can. I choose not to.
Past Leonard: Okay, I suppose I could drive you. Well that’s a point in my favour, right?
Past Sheldon: Why don’t you let me do this.
Past Leonard: Come on, I just asked.
Past Sheldon: Last question. In a post-apocalyptic world, which task would you assign the highest priority? Locating a sustainable food source, re-establishing a functioning government, procreating, or preserving the knowledge of mankind?
Past Leonard: Uhh, I’m gonna go with preserving the knowledge.
Past Sheldon: That’s correct. FYI, I would have accepted any answer other than procreating. Come, I’ll show you the rest of the apartment.
Past Leonard: Oh, good. I passed the barriers.
Past Sheldon: The second barrier. Don’t get cocky.
Past Sheldon: This is the bathroom. Are you fairly regular?
Past Leonard: Uhh, I guess.
Past Sheldon: This isn’t going to work if you’re guessing. When do you evacuate your bowels?
Past Leonard: When I have to.
Past Sheldon: When you have to? I’m sorry I don’t rent to hippies.
Past Leonard: I, I’m sorry, uh, in the morning. Around eight.
Past Sheldon: I can’t give you eight. I can give you seven thirty.
Past Leonard: Fine. I’ll take it.
Past Sheldon: Third barrier passed. You have won the right to see your room. Huzzah!
Past Leonard: Is this is?
Past Sheldon: No, this is my room. People don’t go in my room.
Past Leonard: So where do you sleep?
Past Sheldon: I don’t understand.
Past Leonard: If people don’t go in there, and you’re people, and… You are people, aren’t you?… Making a joke.
Past Sheldon: Do you do this often?
Past Leonard: On occasion.
Past Sheldon: Your room.
Past Sheldon: You may want to repaint.
Penny: Okay, and after all that, you just moved in?
Leonard: No, I didn’t just move in. First we had to iron out a few details.
Past Sheldon: Roommates agree that friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon’s brilliant new series Firefly.
Past Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
Past Sheldon: We might as well settle it now, it’s going to be on for years. Initial here. Alright, that’s television and movies. Section nine, miscellany. The apartment’s flag is a gold lion rampant on a field of azure.
Past Leonard: We have a flag?
Past Sheldon: Never fly it upside down unless the apartment’s in distress. And next, if either of us ever invents time travel, we agree our first stop will be this meeting today in precisely 5 seconds.
Past Leonard: Okay.
Past Sheldon: Well that’s disappointing.
Penny: Why on earth did you agree to all that?
Leonard: It was the best apartment I’d seen, the rent was very reasonable and after you’ve passed the first three barriers you kind of want to take it all the way.
Penny: Well, I’m sorry, Leonard, it’s very hard to feel sympathy for you.
Penny: Look, my car won’t start. I need a ride to work.
Sheldon: Did you once again ignore your check engine light?
Penny: No, Mr. smarty-ants. I ignored the fill gas tank light.
Sheldon: Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her in order to get a ride to work.
Leonard: Oh, yeah, sure, let me just put this is a travel mig.
Sheldon: Oh, Penny, this is Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton, a leading expert on quantum cosmology. Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress who doesn’t understand the role gasoline plays in the internal combustion engine.
Elizabeth: Nice to meet you.
Penny: Nice to meet you, too. Are you enjoying your stay?
Elizabeth: Yes, very much.
Sheldon: Wonderful. Meaningless pleasantries accomplished. Elizabeth, Leonard’s bathroom time is coming up, and believe me, you do not want to follow him.
Elizabeth: Excuse me.
Leonard: Okay, well, I guess I should get dressed so I can take everyone to work. You and Sheldon and Sheldon’s friend, DR. Plimpton, whop you just let. It’ll be fun. Like a clown car.
Penny: Hang on.
Leonard: Hmm? Yeah? What? Huh?
Penny: We just broke up.
Leonard: What, uh, you and me? Yeah, we did. Not too long ago. How are you doing with it?
Penny: Not as good as you apparently.
Leonard: I, umm, I don’t follow.
Penny: You know what? It’s, it’s none of my business. If you want to sleep with Sheldon’s doctor buddy right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.
Leonard: Well, now…
Sheldon: Excuse me. I’m uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton, who I assure you has better things to do.
Penny: I’m not recommending it. I’m saying it already happened.
Sheldon: That’s preposterous. Tell her, Leonard.
Leonard: Come one. It wasn’t my fault.
Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?
Penny: You know what? I’m just gonna take the bus to work.
Leonard: Penny, I can still drive you.
Penny: Oh, no, no, it’s okay. You might slip on a banana peel and get me pregnant.
Sheldon: I must say, I’m shocked by this betrayal.
Leonard: I didn’t betray Penny.
Sheldon: Not Penny, me!
Leonard: How am I betraying you?
Sheldon: Elizabeth’s my friend, and you’re playing with her!
Elizabeth: Ah, Dr. Cooper, thank goodness. I completely forgot your address. But then I remembered that I’d written it on my hand.
Elizabeth: Lucky for me, I didn’t confuse it with what I’d written on my other hand, which are the coordinates for a newly discovered neutron star. ‘Cause if I tried to go there, I’d be crushed by hypergravity. Anyway, hello.
Elizabeth: Nice to finally meet you in person.
Sheldon: I would imagine it is. This is my friend and roommate, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Oops. I started to say hi, and then I switched to hello in the middle. It came out hi-lo. Duh. Uh, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve read both your books and most of your papers. I’m Leonard, I live here, you’re brilliant.
Sheldon: I apologize. He’s only a experimental physicist.
Elizabeth: No need to apologize. Some of my best friends are experimental physicists. Well, not my best friends, but I know them. My best friend is a molecular chemist named Wendy. I’m sorry. I’m rambling. Hi-lo.
Leonard: Are you hungry, thirsty? Can I offer you anything?
Sheldon: No, she’s my guest. If anyone should offer her anything, it should be me. Elizabeth, can I get you something? Perhaps a feminine hygiene product or a bowel-regulating yogurt?
Elizabeth: Interesting choices. Bases on my current needs, I guess I’d pick the yogurt.
Sheldon: Excellent. If the yogurt works, I bought some delightful scented candles.
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, I have something for you. Per our roommate agreement, this is your 24-hour notice that I will be having a non-related female spending two nights in our apartment.
Leonard: When you say non-related female, you still mean human, right?
Sheldon: Of course. Pets are banned under the roommate agreement, with the exception of service animals, such as seeing eye dogs and, one day, cybernetically-enhanced helper monkeys.
Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.
Sheldon: For your information, I’ll be playing host to Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton.
Raj: The cosmological physicist from Princeton?
Sheldon: Yes. And until you acquire a surgical mask, please address your comments to me through a napkin.
Sheldon: We’ve been corresponding for years about our mutual interest in gravitational wave signatures of inflatons in the early universe. And now she’s under consideration for a position at our university.
Leonard: Why didn’t you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton? I am a HUGE fan of hers!
Sheldon: I didn’t realizee I was obligated to share my connection with things you’re fan of, but very well. You enjoy Canadian bacon. I’ve been to Toronto.
Leonard: Okay, fine. Where is she going to sleep?
Sheldon: My room, of course.
Raj: Holy crap!…
Raj: Holy crap!
Howard: Yeah, umm, I have a two-part question.
Sheldon: Go ahead.
Howard: A. Are you kidding me? And B. Are you freaking kidding me?
Sheldon: A. I rarely kid. And B. When I do kid, you will know it by my use of the word Bazinga.
Howard: So you’re saying the two of you are going to be sleeping in the same bed?
Sheldon: Yes… Bazinga. Leonard?
Leonard: Thank you. Why is a world-renowned scientist saying in our apartment instead of a hotel?
Sheldon: Well, she doesn’t care for hotels. And who can blame her? Windows that don’t open, multi-user linens, keys shaped like credit cards, as if one walks around with unassigned slots in one’s wallet.
Sheldon: Alright, I believe I have time for one more question. Yes, Raj?
Raj: When can I sit with you again?
Sheldon: When I’ve seen two consecutive throat cultures spaced 12 hours apart. You know the drill. Alright, if you’ll excuse me, I am off to start a prophylactic course of antibiotics.
Leonard: I can’t believe he’s friends with Elizabeth Plimpton.
Raj: I can’t believe they let him into Canada.
Howard: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You heard the man. Where’s your throat cultures?
Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Maybe this isn’t a good time.
Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to god I will kill you.
Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.
Leonard: What. Do. You. Want?
Sheldon: You may want to sit down.
Leonard: I’m in bed!
Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up.
Sheldon: I’ve been seeing Penny behind your back.
Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean?
Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it?
Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny?
Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs.
Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us?
Sheldon: I didn’t want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before hos?
Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.
Leonard: Sheldon, I don’t care if you want to be friends with Penny.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that’s been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified?
Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, “Looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon.”
Leonard: I guess not.
Sheldon: And now, as promised, then tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs.
Sheldon: I’m thirsty, so I’m going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing beverage.
Leonard: You know what? I’ll just spend the evening alone.
Raj: What, suddenly I’m not good enough for you?
Sheldon: Ahh, I do so love beverages. Now I think I’ll take my after-dinner walk.
Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks?
Howard: Since when do you take walks?
Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin. and you know me, if there’s one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it’s serotonin. Bye-bye.
Howard: Hold on. I’ll talk down with you.
Sheldon: Oh, that’s not necessary. You can go first.