December 2011
57 posts
November 2011
209 posts
6 tags
It's getting pretty late...
Leonard: How come you’re still up?
Sheldon: I’ve found an emulator online that lets you play classic text based computer games from the 1980s.
Leonard: That’s pretty cool.
Sheldon: Oh, yes. It runs on the world’s most powerful graphics chip, imagination.
Leonard: You’ve really got to get out more.
Sheldon: Go north. You can’t go that way. Go west. A...
8 tags
Hey guys...
Raj: Guess who I found at LAX. My baby sister, Priya.
Sheldon: Excuse me. I object. You propose a guessing game, yet you don’t give me time to guess. For the record, I was going to say your sister Priya.
Priya: Oh, Sheldon. You haven’t changed a bit, have you?
Sheldon: Why would I change?
Leonard: The hope has been that you’d eventually bend to public opinion. So, Priya,...
6 tags
It's nice to meet you, too.
Mrs. Fowler: I honestly didn’t believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you I am quite real and I’m having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Mrs. Fowler: What?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. We’re like wild animals in heat. It’s a wonder neither of us has been hurt.
Mrs. Fowler: Amy, what is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend,...
5 tags
EZ Aquarii B...
Sheldon: EZ Aquarii C…
Sheldon: Excuse me, madam.
Amy: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Rats!
Amy: I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred when I asked you to meet my mother.
Sheldon: No misunderstanding. I’ve learned what that request means, and I don’t want to be joined to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis.
Amy: In what way are you...
4 tags
Oh, Sheldon...
Sheldon: Proxima Centauri’s the nearest star. The celestial bodies that follow are; Alpha Centauri A, Toli, Barnard’s Star, Wolf 359…
Sheldon: Lalande 21185, Sirius A, Sirius B, BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti, Ross 154…
Sheldon: Ross 248…
Sheldon: Epsilon Eridani, Lac-9352, Ross 128, Procyon...
Well, I'm off...
Leonard: Well, I’m off to meet Bernadette’s friend. How do I look?
Sheldon: As if one of the plants from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way, only with an absurd amount of hair gel.
Leonard: What are you working on?
Sheldon: I’m removing my digital footprint form the Internet so Amy Farrah Fowler can’t find me an compel me to meet her...
6 tags
*Ding dong*
Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, get the door!
Howard: Why can’t you get it?
Mrs. Wolowitz: You know I’m doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy! I’m like an upside-down volcano here!.
Howard: Oh, hey. I hope you didn’t hear that.
Leonard: The volcano thing? No.
Howard: What’s with the t-shirt? You working at the Apple store now?
Howard: I know all your shirts....
6 tags
Are you sleeping?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you ill?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you still depressed because you’re alone, and no one loves you?
Leonard: I don’t know. Maybe.
Sheldon: I want you to know that I’m genuinely concerned for your well-being.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: You’re welcome. But it’s still no reason to have your feet in my spot.
Amy: May I offer an...
511. At Luna's wedding, the whole of the front row...
itsammers:
Oh god. This is canon. *weeping*
8 tags
Hey, guys.
Howard: Hey.
Raj: Hey.
Sheldon: Alright, I’ll bow to social pressure. Hey!
♫ ♪
Howard: Excuse me. That’s my girlfriend, Bernadette. I assigned her her own ringtone, Bernadette by the Four Tops. Hello, Bernadette.
Raj: When I call him, his phone played Brown Eyed Girl.
Raj: Which, now that I think about it, is not so good.
Leonard: You realize he’s just rubbing our...
5 tags
All I'm saying is...
Leonard: … if they took all the money they spent trying to make a decent Hulk movie, they could probably just make an actual Hulk.
Sheldon: That is apt and amusing. I think I shall share that with Amy Farrah Fowler. She’ll appreciate the witticism.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: It will also help improve her initial impression of you.
Leonard: So what’s going on with you...
7 tags
I had a good time.
Bernadette: Me, too.
Katee Sackoff: Kiss her goodnight.
Katee Sackoff: Alright, now a little tongue.
George Takei: Hold on there. We’ve only just rekindled the romance. Let’s not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva.
Katee Sackoff: Don’t listen to him. She wants it. Tongue. Luh-luh-luh-luh-luh.
Katee Sackoff: See? Now make the move.
George Takei:...
7 tags
Yeah, we had a really great talk...
Howard: … and we’re gonna start seeing each other again.
Leonard: Oh, congratulations. Have you broken it to the troll yet?
Howard: Did Penny tell you about that?
Leonard: No. Steve Patterson told me.
Howard: The greasy old fat guy in Facilities Management?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: How’d he know about it?
Leonard: He’s Glissinda the Troll.
Raj: Sorry, dude,...
6 tags
Sorry, I had to clock out.
Howard: Oh, no, that’s okay. How have you been?
Bernadette: Okay. You know, busy, school, work. You?
Howard: Same. I took a scuba-diving course over the summer, but it turns out I’m terrified of the ocean.
Bernadette: Too bad.
Howard: You wouldn’t know anybody who wants to buy a wet suit, boy’s large?
Howard: Yeah, forget it. Not important. So, are you seeing...
5 tags
So anyway...
Leonard: … Howard asked Penny to talk to Bernadette, and she did, and Bernadette agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee.
Sheldon: One question.
Leonard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Why on earth are you telling me all this?
Leonard: I don’t know. Sometimes your movements are so lifelike, I forget you’re not a real boy.
*Bang*
Sheldon: Oh..
5 tags
*Knock, Knock, Knock*
Sheldon: … Penny. *Knock, knock, knock* Penny. *Knock, knock, knock* Penny.
Howard: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.
Howard: I just have a question. Does Bernadette ever talk about me?
Penny: Oh, absolutely.
Howard: She does?
Penny: Yeah, sure. Just yesterday, she asked why...
7 tags
You know...
Leonard: … you never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.
Howard: I did a stupid thing.
Leonard: Yeah, I guessed that.
Howard: It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
Leonard: That covers anything from farting in bed to killing a homeless guy.
Leonard: Oh, my god. You ran over a hobo.
Howard: No. Stop asking.
Leonard: Alright, fine. So...
8 tags
So, my dear, we meet again.
Katee Sackhoff: Hello, Howard. I’ve missed you.
Howard: I’ve missed you, Katee Sackhoff.
Katee Sackhoff: One question.
Howard: Anything.
Katee Sackhoff: Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?
Howard: Why are you in bed with me? If we start to question this, it all falls apart.
Katee Sackoff: Sorry. Oh, ravish me, Howard. My loins ache for you.
Howard:...
9 tags
I'm telling you...
Raj: … if xenon emits ultraviolet light, then those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
Sheldon: Yes, well, if we lived in a world where slow-moving xenon produced light, then you’d be correct. Also, pigs would fly, my derriere would produce cotton candy, and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.
Raj: Oh, you’re so arrogant. If you were a superhero, your name...
6 tags
Hi...
Leonard: Hi, Mrs. Cooper. Thanks for coming.
Mrs. Cooper: Where is he?
Leonard: In his bedroom.
Mrs. Cooper: Now, when you said on the phone he broke up with a girl, you meant an actual girl, not something you kids whipped up in the lab?
Leonard: No, she’s real.
Mrs. Cooper: Did they sin?
Leonard: No, no, it’s not like that. It’s, uh… I don’t know what...
5 tags
Hey.
Leonard: Oh, no.
Sheldon: Robert Oppenheimer was lonely.
Leonard: So you decided to get the whole Manhattan Project?
Sheldon: Yes. This is Enrico Fermi, Richard Feynman, Edward Teller, Otto Frisch, and Zazzles.
Leonard: Zazzles?
Sheldon: I was going to name him Herman von Helmholtz, but he’s so zazzy.
Leonard: Okay, we need to talk.
Sheldon: About what?
Leonard: Cats, Sheldon....
7 tags
I gotta tell you guys...
Leonard: I’m a little worried about Sheldon.
Howard: We’re all a little worried about Sheldon.
Leonard: No, I mean since the Shamy hit a reef.
Howard :Oh, I thought you were just making a generalization, you know, I’m worried about Sheldon someday setting off a low-yield nuclear device because the cafeteria ran out of Lime Jell-O.
Raj: What does “hit a reef”...
8 tags
Oh, no.
Howard: What?
Leonard: John and Yoko.
Howard: More like Yoko and Yoko.
Sheldon: Greetings.
Leonard: Hey.
Sheldon: I brought Amy here to show her some of the work I’m doing.
Amy: It’s very impressive, for theoretical work.
Sheldon: Do I detect a hint of condescension?
Amy: I’m sorry, was I being too subtle?
Amy: I meant compared to the real-world applications of...
5 tags
Listen..
Leonard: Can I talk to you about your girlfriend?
Sheldon: She’s not my girlfriend. She’s a girl and she’s my friend, but there’s no touching or unsanitary exchange of saliva.
Leonard: Got it.
Sheldon: Although, for the record, on one occasion, she licked her thumb to remove raspberry jelly from the corner of my mouth. It’s an action we both regret to this day.
...
4 tags
Rain by Breaking Benjamin
Take a photograph It’ll be the last Not a dollar or a crowd Could ever keep me here.
I don’t have a past I just have a chance Not a family or honest Plea remains to say
Rain, rain go away Come again another day All the world is waiting for the sun
Is it you I want Or just the notion of Your heart to wrap around So I can find the way around
Safe to say from here You’re getting...
9 tags
Did you guys see the paper in the American Physics...
Leonard: It’s pretty interesting. This guy’s working from a hypothesis where…
Raj: Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!
Leonard: What?
Raj: Don’t ruin it for me, man. I printed out a PDF to read on the potty.
Howard: On the potty? What are you, five?
Raj: It’s a potty. What do you call it?
Howard: Toilet.
Raj: That’s little vulgar for the dinner table,...
6 tags
Alright, I'm ready for my next question.
Amy: In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets, who wins the Second World War?
Sheldon: Uganda.
Amy: Defend.
Sheldon: Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses. A Central African power block is formed, colonizing North Africa and Europe. When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino. Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.
Amy: Correct. My turn.
Sheldon: In a world...
5 tags
Bang...
Sheldon-bot: … Penny. *Bang* Penny. *Bang* Penny.
Penny: What up, Shel-bot?
Sheldon-bot: I can’t get out of bed. I hurt my ankle.
Penny: What do you want me to do?
Sheldon-bot: Sing me Soft Kitty.
Penny: Really, you want me to sing Soft Kitty to a computer monitor?
Sheldon-bot: Would you rather come over and sing it to me in person?
Penny: Soft kitty, warm kitty,...
7 tags
Oh, great.
Penny: Hi, I’m Penny, I’ll be your waitress.
Leonard: Why are you introducing yourself?
Penny: I’d rather people not know I have any prior connection to you whatsoever.
Sheldon-bot: Can you tell me the specials this evening?
Penny: Sheldon, I’m not waiting on you.
Sheldon-bot: Obviously. I don’t even have water yet.
Penny: Because you’re not here.
...
